Focus on Now

"I have little use for the past and rarely think about it..."
--Eckhart Tolle, from The Power Of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

Some of you that have been following my daily goals progress may have noticed that I didn't post any updates for several days last week. The reason is simple: I did a lousy job of working on my goals those days, and I did a lousy job of tracking my lack of progress.

There were several moments during that time that I considered getting caught up on my posts, but I couldn't motivate myself to do it. Finally, last night I decided not to worry about it and to move forward.

Why? First of all, it seemed to be a waste of time. I'd rather use the time I have to work on my goals. Second, I had no desire to dwell on my past failures. I'd rather keep a positive mindset by accomplishing things now.

“Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

"Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

"This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Collected Poems and Translations

I'll see you tomorrow.

Using checklists

Rebaselining

In project management, when you complete your project schedule, you baseline it. That means you set the plan in stone and compare your actual results against it as a way to track progress. If something happens to fundamentally alter the project, you can rebaseline it; that is, you can create a new benchmark that accounts for the changes, and measure your progress against it moving forward.

I realized this week that I needed to rebaseline my goals program. Wednesdays and Thursdays are my busiest and most stressful days at work. It's difficult for me to do much work, if any on my four goals.

So I'm rebaselining, taking into account not only those two days, but also the fact that the goals program itself requires that I track progress five days a week, not seven, as I've been tracking. From now on, my five days of focus on my goals will be Friday - Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday are now my weekends, or two days off.

On those two days I still intend to work on my two fundamental goals: Improve my health and practice Buddhism. Pursuing those will help me manage the stress I feel on those days. I hope to be able to work on my other two goals as well, but I'm going to cut myself some slack if I don't.

I really appreciate the encouragement and support you all have given me on this journey. Like so many people, I'm my own worst critic. Having you there for me reminds me that I need to encourage myself in a positive way as well. Thank you.

No, I'm not going to use the hammer on the rest of the stuff.

Today's first project

No, I'm not going to use the hammer on the rest of the stuff.

Forgiving myself when I screw up

I missed my older daughter's high school honors night ceremony this evening. I had the information but didn't put it on my calendar.

I feel awful about making this mistake - but I also took the opportunity to reflect on many positive things associated with it.

I was mature enough to apologize to my daughter this evening when I realized my mistake.
My daughter forgave me without hesitation.
I didn't try to excuse my behavior to myself.
I tried - and I'm still trying - not to beat myself up about it.

When I screw up like this I'm always reminded of when things like this happened to me when I was growing up. More often than not, my parents didn't attend events like this for me and my siblings. They were usually too busy due to work or other commitments. There were also times when they'd commit to be there but show up late, missing the event altogether. When that happened there was never an apology. There was either an excuse or simply a shrug of the shoulders. On the other hand, if one of my siblings or I missed a commitment, we'd get lectured about responsibility, and possibly be grounded.

I say this not to whine about my childhood, but to recognize a couple of things about myself. First, I've always tried to be a better parent to my kids than mine were, and overall I do a pretty good job, if my older daughter's reaction to this evening is any indication. Second, when I make a mistake like this, my default behavior is to berate myself the way my parents did. Third, in the past I would have tried to shift the blame for my mistake to her ("Why didn't you remind me last night about this?") or try to rationalize it away. I almost never do that anymore.

I'm reading You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh right now. He talks a great deal about not doing battle with your negative emotions. Rather, he encourages you to "Embrace them with great tenderness, as though you were embracing a little baby." Transform those bad feelings into good ones. Stop struggling and forgive yourself. Be grateful for the life you've been given.

Writing this down helps me to shift my mindset in a positive direction. I hope you can take something positive away from it as well.

Random thoughts on Music, Boston, and Buddhism

This past Sunday during a long drive I started listening to the audio book version of Fire and Rain: The Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel, James Taylor, CSNY, and the Lost Story of 1970 by David Browne. It's a fascinating account of those times, and I recommend it to fans of that musical genre and time.

It's also fairly melancholy in places, largely because it chronicles the breakups of The Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel, and CSNY during that year, but also because it discusses the violence in 1970 perpetrated by the government (Kent State and Jackson State) and radical left groups like the Weather Underground. The book ends by jumping ahead to 2009, when Simon and Garfunkel and CSN reunited for a Rock and Roll hall of Fame concert, and discusses the multiple reconciliations and breakups between those and other 1960s groups over those 39 years.

I finished the book yesterday evening, after hearing about the Boston Marathon bombing. My mind keeps wanting to draw connections between the book and that event, and I'm not sure why. It might be due to the similarities between the Boston bombing and the violence mentioned in the book. It might be because when I was a cross country runner in high school I paid more attention to the Boston Marathon than I do now, and for me the bombing represents a loss of innocence, much like 1970 represented a loss of innocence for many people. It might be just that I was already in a somber mood due to reading the book, and the bombing reinforced that.

Regardless, after finishing Fire and Rain, I returned to A Profound Mind, by the Dalai Lama, as part of my Buddhist studies. It's a great book, but it presents Buddhism in an educational, almost textbook way. I needed something more uplifting, so I put it aside for now and picked up True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart, by Thich Nhat Hanh instead. I'm about halfway through it, and it was just what I needed. It's a great little how-to book about practicing what the author calls authentic love in our everyday lives - for ourselves and each other.

Buddhism teaches that suffering will occur in life, but it can be eliminated. Buddhism also teaches the principle of nonduality; that is, without suffering, we would not know happiness. This is not to imply that I think the Boston bombing was necessary; I certainly hope the people responsible are brought to justice. Instead, like the musicians in the that broke up and reconciled, we all have the ability and potential to end our suffering.

Finally, Buddhism teaches impermanence; nothing lasts forever, and in fact everything and everyone are in a constant state of change. It always makes me to sad to remember that The Beatles didn't continue to make music together after 1970. It makes me sad to think that the Boston Marathon can never be the same after yesterday. But that's the nature of things. Everything changes. Everything ends. We have to accept that and let go of those things in order to end our suffering.

Maybe those are the connections my mind wants to make.

The Pick Four Goal Setting Process, Step 4: Commit!

By now you should be close to narrowing your list down to four goals. The program recommends one long term and three short term. Take some time to think about your goals to ensure they're what you really want (the program advises you to sleep on it), write them down, and sign your name next to them as a visible sign of commitment.

Next, for each goal, write down the benefits of reaching it, what you need to reach it, what could keep you from reaching it, who can help you, and your plan for reaching it. Here's mine.

Goal 1: Improve my health

Benefits from reaching the goal: The potential for a longer and healthier life; the ability and opportunity to do more things; improved self-esteem.

Skills or knowledge required to reach this goal: How to eat healthy; how to exercise properly; how to monitor my progress; the courage to change.

Major obstacles and mountains to climb to reach this goal: Breaking old habits and starting new ones; lack of willpower; trying to do too much too soon.

Individuals and organizations needed to help me reach this goal: My doctor and other medical professionals; my friends; The South Beach Diet; selected family members.

Plan for reaching this goal (write it out, tell it like a story): Reaching this goal involves two primary and one secondary actions. First, I intend to follow the South Beach Diet. I had started it prior to beginning this goals program on the advice of my doctor, but I plan to restart it (Phase 1). The program involves diet and exercise. Second, I intend to get more sleep - at least seven, and preferably eight hours a night. Third, I will monitor my progress by checking my blood pressure and blood sugar twice a day, and weighing myself every Monday morning. I will record my progress on my blog.

Goal 2: Learn Objective-C

Benefits from reaching the goal: The pleasure of learning something new; an increased ability to relate to the developers at work; an additional skill to apply to future opportunities.

Skills or knowledge required to reach this goal: A basic understanding of computers; where to go to get training; the ability to set aside time to do the work.

Major obstacles and mountains to climb to reach this goal: Not taking the time to do it; getting bored or frustrated if I don't see how to apply it directly or quickly.

Individuals and organizations needed to help me reach this goal: A training program; my friends.

Plan for reaching this goal (write it out, tell it like a story): I'm going to use this book: Objective-C Programming: The Big Nerd Ranch Guide. It has thirty-seven chapters. I'll try to cover an average of 3 chapters a week. I will record my progress on my blog.

Goal 3: Start practicing Buddhism

Benefits from reaching the goal: Compassion; calmness; greater self-awareness; discipline; a better understanding of different faiths and cultures.

Skills or knowledge required to reach this goal: An open mind; a willingness to learn; knowledge sources; maybe a group of adherents.

Major obstacles and mountains to climb to reach this goal: Predefined / ingrained concepts and beliefs; a lack of discipline.

Individuals and organizations needed to help me reach this goal: My friends; a group of practitioners.

Plan for reaching this goal (write it out, tell it like a story): First, learn more about the practice. Figure out the first steps to take and take them. Find a group that meets my schedule. Don't get hung up on having to buy things in order to get started.

Goal 4: Declutter and get organized

Benefits from reaching the goal: A simpler life; a cleaner living space; losing the feeling of being constantly overwhelmed.

Skills or knowledge required to reach this goal: A willingness to let go; a trusted system.

Major obstacles and mountains to climb to reach this goal: The meta; clinging to possessions; getting too wrapped up in digitizing the items I get rid of.

Individuals and organizations needed to help me reach this goal: My friends; places like Goodwill.

Plan for reaching this goal (write it out, tell it like a story): I'd like to get rid of an average of a box of things every day. This is a small step exercise in some ways, and a big burst of effort activity in other ways. I need to focus less on recording what I want to get rid of and just get rid of it. For getting organized I need to develop my trusted system and stick with it. I need to worry less about tweaking that system and concentrate on using it. Simpler is better.

The Pick Four Goal Setting Process, Step 3: Balance

Ziglar recommends that you review your remaining goals to see how balanced they are. He came up with a Life Wheel of seven categories for this purpose:

Family
Financial
Mental
Physical
Social
Spititual
Career

You can use any method you want. I'm also fond of the categories used in the Feng Shui Bagua (setting aside the associated astrological / geomancy components):

Wealth and Prosperity
Fame and Reputation
Love and Relationships
Family and Physical Health
Spiritual Health and Well Being
Children and Creativity
Knowledge and Wisdom
Career
Travel and Helpful People

Regardless of the method you use, the point is to ensure that you're not emphasizing one or more categories at the expense of others. For example, if your goals are focused primarily on Career and Financial, you might want to ensure you're not neglecting others like Family. You get the idea.

Here's how I classified the four goals I had:

Improve my health: Physical
Learn Objective-C: Career and Mental
Start practiving Buddhism: Spiritual
Declutter and get organized: Mental

Nothing on the list seemed contradictory, and some of the goals have what I call secondary classifications. For example, improving my health may be physical, but I think it also supports most, if not all of the other areas as well.

By now you should be able to pick four goals. We'll talk more about that in Step 4 (of course).

The Pick Four Goal Setting Process, Step 2: The Why

(See this post for Step 1.)

Take your dream list and for each item, write down:

What you'll gain by reaching the goal.
What the people you care about will gain by you reaching this goal.

You'll probably won't be able to come up with good answers to both of those questions for many of the items on your list. Cross those items off. I crossed off several items from my list, leaving me with the following:

Lose 100 pounds
Run a marathon
Start my own business
Get rid of all debt
Blog
Write software
Meditate
Practice Buddhism
Find my North Star
Get rid of everything
Be organized
Get out of the meta
Get more sleep
Find meaning

The program asks that you look for and eliminate inherent contradictions in your list. I also looked for dependent and related items, and refined some items to be more realistic. Going through that process yielded the following:

Lose 100 pounds: Unrealistic to achieve in 12 weeks; change to lose weight.
Run a marathon: Other things to accomplish first, like losing weight; also unrealistic to achieve in 12 weeks; defer to a later goals program.
Start my own business: A dream of mine, but I need to achieve some other, more personal goals first; defer to a later goals program.
Get rid of all debt: I'm already executing a plan to get rid of some debt, and the remaining debt (mortgage and car loan) are not burdensome; defer to a later goals program.
Blog: This isn't a goal as much as it's a means to achieve my goals. Blogging allows me to build a support group and share my progress with those people. Remove from the list.
Write software: Too vague and too complicated. Revise to learn to program.
Meditate: Good, but really a component of number 8. Consolidate them.
Practice Buddhism: Reword to Start practicing Buddhism.
Find my north star. This is a reference to a book by Martha Beck. I've attempted to work through it several times, but have never succeeded. It may be that it's not the right program for me, or it may be that I have other things to accomplish before I focus directly on this. Defer to a later goals program.
Get rid of everything: A little extreme; reword to declutter and combine with number 11.
Get organized: Good. See numbers 10 and 12.
Get out of the meta: By this I mean stop focusing on the process and take action. This applies to small tasks and large projects, like this goals program. Combine it with number 11.
Get more sleep: Good. Combine with number 1 and create a new goal to improve my health.
Find meaning: Way too vague, and in my opinion impossible to achieve directly. I think the way to find meaning is to identify and attempt to achieve goals. As you succeed and fail you learn about yourself and your true desires, which leads to finding meaning. That's what I think right now, anyway. It comes off the list.

That leaves the following potential goals:

Improve my health
Learn to program
Start practicing Buddhism
Declutter and get organized

Now back to the why:

Improve my health

What's in it for me: Simple. I'll be healthier. I'll look better. I'll probably feel better about myself. I'll have a sense of accomplishment. I may be able to stop taking several of the medications I'm on right now for depression, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and Type 2 diabetes (the last is a recent diagnosis that convinced me to start this program - more about that later.) I might live longer, and should definitely have an improved quality of life.

What's in it for people I care about: I should be around longer and should be more fun to be around. If I achieve this goal that achievement might inspire others that need to make health related changes.

Learn to program

What's in it for me: I'm a long time wannabe computer programmer, and I've tried self-directed learning to meet this goal several times in the past, but I always I'd hit a challenging topic and give up. I'm also a very pragmatic person, so not having a specific use for the skill I was learning made it more difficult to stick with it.

There's a lot I can gain from meeting this goal, however. I'll have a tremendous sense of accomplishment if I finally achieve something I wanted for so long. I'll gain knowledge that I can use in my job. I'll be able to better relate to and communicate with my more technical coworkers. Learning to program can be a lot like learning to play music; it can introduce new ways of thinking and improve creativity. Finally, I might come up with some ideas for a future business or career opportunity.

What's in it for people I care about: Some co-workers could benefit, as noted above. For others, I think it's a bit less tangible. There's always the possibility that having this knowledge could better enable me to help someone solve a problem. It could inspire someone to work towards a similar goal. If this knowledge leads to future business or career opportunities then that could provide financial benefits to my family.

Start practicing Buddhism

What's in it for me: Hopefully a happier, more serene lifestyle; increased calmness , compassion, and mindfulness; an increased focus on the truly important things in life; greater self-awareness; more discipline; a greater understanding of other faiths and cultures.

What's in it for people I care about: Hopefully they'll want to spend more time with me and enjoy that time more. Maybe they can learn from my example, or they can teach me.

Declutter and get organized

What's in it for me: A simpler life; a cleaner living space; fewer feelings of being overwhelmed by stuff; the pleasure of giving things I'm not using to people that can use them.

What's in it for people I care about: If I spend less time, energy, and money on stuff then I have more of all of those to devote to others. Maybe some people will be recipients of what I give away.

It's possible,and probably recommended that you could perform this exercise for more than four potential goals. In my case, I got to four leading up to and during the exercise.

Also - when identifying the benefits to people I care about, I found it very easy to include phrases about inspiring others, setting a good example, being a good role model, etc. I think those are valid possibilities, but I also think stating them sounds a bit trite and platitudinous. There were times when I turned the question around from "What's in it for them?" to "Will this hurt anyone?" If the answer was no, I didn't get too concerned about listing lots of benefits to others.

We've narrowed our lists. Next we'll double-check how they fit together. That's Step 3.

The Pick Four Goal Setting Process, Step 1: The Dream List

The first step in the Pick Four goals program is to create a dream list. You brainstorm dozens of things you'd like to be or do. Nothing is off limits. You'll use this list as the starting point for choosing your four goals.

This was harder for me than I thought. I had plenty of things to put down on my dream list, but many of them were singular events such as "Go to Macworld." Not a bad goal, but not something that should take 12 weeks of daily effort to accomplish.

But the purpose of the exercise is to get all of the things you want to be or do out of your head and down on paper. I'll talk more later about the value of writing things down, but for now, here's my original goals list:

Lose 100 pounds
Run a marathon
Get a relationship
Get off antidepressants
Start my own business
Get rid of all debt
Get off diabetes meds
Go entirely mobile
Blog
Write software
Buy an 11" MacBook Air
Buy an EggCamper
Travel the U.S.
Find a gaming group
Do ten pull ups
Buy a new iPad
Meditate
Practice Buddhism
Spend more time in Florida
Live in San Francisco
Live in New York City
Go to Burning Man
Go to SXSW
Go to PAX
Go to Macworld
Go to WWDC
Take a Big Nerd Ranch programming class
Find my North Star
Game with TNTGWS again
Go to Emerald City Comicon
Find a decent iPad stylus
Get rid of everything
Redecorate my bedroom Japanese style
Be happy
Be fearless
Stop worrying
Visit Bhutan
Arrange a meetup of my G20 friends
Learn Curio
Be organized
Get out of the meta
Go to TED
Create a personal dashboard application or web site
Get passionate
Get more sleep
Become financially independent
Shave my head
Go someplace remote and far away
Find meaning

After you create the list, you remove anything that obviously can't or shouldn't be done - but not things that are difficult. This is a top-down, think big exercise at this point. Take what remains and move on to Step 2.

(I lied before. The above list isn't the original, but the remains of the first pass elimination. And no, I won't tell you.)

My goals program

I'm using Zig Ziglar's goals program, updated and simplified by Seth Godin.

You probably have at least a passing familiarity with Zig Ziglar. If not, here's the link to the wikipedia entry on him. I have a lot of respect for what the man accomplished during his life, but I've listened to some of his tapes, and find them challenging; there's too much Southern Baptist preacher / used car salesman in him for my taste.

Seth Godin, on the other hand is someone I enjoy reading and hearing speak. I highy recommend his book Linchpin, especially if you work in a large, bureaucratic organization. Godin cites Ziglar as one of his key influences and personal heroes. When I found out he had adapted Ziglar's goals program, I gave it a look. I think it'll work for me - if I work it.

Here's a summmary of the program:

Concepts:

Small steps work
Consistent effort works
Group support works

Actions:

Identify four goals you want to achieve.
Commit to working on them every day for 12 weeks.
Each day record your progress toward each goal.
Get support from your peers when you start flagging.

I'll provide more details on the program and how I'm using it as I go along.

Getting started

I need your help. This is not an April Fool's joke.

Today I'm officially starting to work on four goals I've set for myself:

Improve my health
Learn Objective-C programming
Start practicing Buddhism
Declutter and get organized

For the next 12 weeks I'll be reporting daily on the work I've done to achieve these goals. I'll also provide more information on how and why I chose the goals I did, and other observations and thoughts I might have along the way.

This is where you come in. Asking for support and help is a key factor in achieving something. It's also very hard for me to do, thanks to my personality type and my upbringing. But it's time for me to lower some barriers and demonstrate some more trust. I welcome your feedback, encouragement, and the occasional kick in the pants when necessary.

This is scary, but it's also exciting. I hope that at the end of 12 weeks I can look back on this time with a sense of accomplishment and stronger relationships.

Time to get on with it.

Measure fasting blood glucose
Take blood pressure
Eat a healthy breakfast
Exercise

Eat a healthy dinner
Measure blood glucose
Take blood pressure
Floss
Get at least seven hours of sleep

Meditate in the morning
Read or study
Meditate in the evening
Was I mindful today?
Was I compassionate today?

Process physical inbox
Process personal email inboxes
Process work email inbox
Process Evernote inbox
Process OmniFocus inbox
Declutter at least one thing

Measure fasting blood glucose
Take blood pressure
Eat a healthy breakfast
Exercise

Weekday Checklist Template

Improve my health

Morning

During the day

Evening

All day

Notes

Start practicing Buddhism

Notes

Learn Objective-C

Notes

Declutter and get organized

Notes

Thoughts on the day

Weekend Checklist Template

Improve my health

Morning

During the day

Evening

All day

Notes

Start practicing Buddhism

Notes

Learn Objective-C

Notes

Declutter and get organized

Notes

Thoughts on the day